*rawr*

I am so angry right now, I want to kick somebody. Seriously. I want to kick somebody and then I want to burn down the world.

We went to a softball game at the park. Zack didn't want to go, but I was all excited about it. I thought we could hang out and make friends. I convinced him to go. He ended up having a really good time. Me... not so much. The game was really competetive, with a lot of guys being all macho and stuff. I am no good at sports, really. I like playing and having fun if it's a not-at-all serious game with my friends. But I didn't really know anyone there, and I knew that if i did anything stupid I would be really embarassed, so I just decided to watch. It was really, really hot and the game went on for hours. Zack was doing pretty well and having a good time. I was sitting in the shade feeling hungry, but kind of enjoying watching everyone else play. I thought maybe next time, if it wasn't so hot, I would join in.

After a while i got kind of bored, and so i went and picked one of the tiny daisies growing in the grass. It was so small and yet so perfect. Each tiny petal was an almost glowing white, and on the underside had a little spot of dark pink. The spots were so beautiful, but probably never even seen. I had never really looked at one up close before, and I was thinking about how those little flowers never really get noticed, just mowed down whenever the maintenance people come. And yet nobody on earth could make anything like it, no matter how sophisticated the technology, no matter how delicate the material.

Anyway so I was thinking about all of that, and no longer paying attention to the game. I heard some yelling going on but didn't focus any thought on it. Then all of a sudden the ball lands about 3 feet behind me. This guy comes running to get it and he yells at me. He's like, "Hey! You almost got hit! You need to pay attention!" He didn't add "idiot!" but his tone clearly implied it, all irritated and scornful. I didn't say anything, but I felt this flash of complete embarassment and humiliation, because everybody was looking at me and here I was crouched on the ground in lala land, looking at a tiny flower, and I probably did look like a total retard.

But he still didn't have to yell at me. He was really rude about it. I would never have spoken to anybody that way, especially someone I don't even know. The most I would have said, probably, is "Oh my gosh, that was close!" and like, laughed it off. I wouldn't have gotten angry at the person, or tried to make them feel stupid.

He was one of the super competetive people who were the exact reason I didn't want to play.

I wanted to go home after that but at the same time I wanted to stay, because that guy was a jerk and because Zack was having a good time.

I know I am being way too sensitive about this but I can't help it, it's just how I am. I am very self conscious and I guess my feelings get hurt easily. But at the same time, I think I'm a pretty kind person, and I try to always be nice to everybody. Probably that's partly why I get so mad when people are rude or mean to me.

Anyway, he's the one who's the idiot, not me, and I need to let it go. I know Zack thinks I'm mad at him because I've been so quiet, but I just have been in a bad mood and didn't want to talk.

It's Official!!!

After an agonizingly dull hour and a half wait at the department of licensing, I am now the legally documented honest-to-goodness Mrs. Zack Sjoden. Yay!!!

(Well, technically it was legally documented when we signed the marriage certificate, I believe, but now I actually have my new last name on my driver's license. Which feels more official to me :)

Busy Weekend

I stayed home sick today. I feel slightly guilty about this, but I needed a break. Yesterday I had to come home after early morning service, and I just laid on the couch and felt achey and horrible. I thought I was getting a flu or something, but by 5:00 or so I was feeling better. Didn't feel like going out today, though. So I'm home in my comfy robe, doing laundry and watching taped episodes of old TV westerns.

Now I am not an old TV western kind of girl, really, but we don't get TV here, and so I asked my dad to lend me some of his old videos (he is a TV recording fiend). He gave me some of his favorites - Bonanza, Gun Smoke, etc. I was kind of groaning inwardly when I got them, and I put them in the video drawer for a rainy day. This morning I got them out on a whim. I like having the TV on when I'm home alone - it makes me feel not so lonesome. To my surprise, I'm enjoying a day with Ben Cartwright, Little Joe, Matt Dillon, etc. The shows aren't half bad.

This weekend was pretty busy. Sunday we went out to Kirkland to celebrate Nick and Sandy's wedding eve. We had dinner at the Olive Garden (where I had some very tasty Tuscan apricot chicken), and then went down to the water front, which was beautiful.

Earlier that day, I had headed out to Eatonville for the meeting. I ended up getting there late, so I missed the talk, which was by John Rave (who gave our wedding talk). Marge Rave (his mother) had died earlier that morning, but he decided to give the talk anyway, and everyone says he did a really good job. Marv Smith announced Marge's passing after the Watchtower study, and durning the song a lot of people started to cry. Then John came up to give the closing prayer. I stood there with tears in my eyes, listening to his beautiful prayer and wondering how he could keep it together so well. At the end his voice started to break down a little. It was very emotional.

I talked to Leah after the meeting and she told me that they had all been with Marge when she died. She was in a lot of pain (cancer), and needed to go to rest. Brother Larson had called her earlier in the week from Bethel, Leah said, and afterward Marge seemed very happy, and often had a smile on her face. It was her last coherent conversation. At one point, Tom admired the beautiful homemade quilt she was wrapped in. "How long did it take you to make that?" he asked. "Oh, about an hour," Marge replied, dreamily. "That's pretty fast," Tom said. "I suppose so," said Marge. I talked to John a little, and gave him a hug. He is such a dear brother.

I wished Zack could have been there, but he was at a baseball game with Nick. He'd won VIP tickets to a Tacoma Rainiers game, which included a free tour, box seats, free food and drinks, and a goody bag. The Rainiers won and they had a really good time.

While they were at the game, I went and visited my little friend Meagan. She was so happy to see me! When she came out of her bedroom she gasped, "Ma-onday! Are you Ma-onday? Did you come to see me?" I said "Yes, I did!" She ran and jumped into my arms and said, "Do you want to play with me?" I said I definitely did. We colored together, and she told me all about her favorite dinosaurs. "Are you never going to leave me again?" she asked. So I had to explain to her that I had moved to Tacoma, but that I would come and visit her from time to time. I asked her to color a picture for me, and she said, "So you will always remember me?" and I said yes.

Monday was Nick and Sandy's wedding day. They had the ceremony at the court house in Kirkland. It was done in a snap, less than 5 minutes, I'm guessing, and the judge took off while everyone hugged and cried. I couldn't believe how quick it was, and yet there was something romantic about it. They held hands, facing eachother, while they said their vows, pledging each other their deepest love and devotion. There was nothing said about forever, though. No mention of God. So I don't think it would have worked for me. But I enjoyed the ceremony, all the same.

Tuesday evening when I went to pick up Zack I brought a picnic dinner, and we ate down by the waterfront. Afterward we took a walk. It was very romantic.

That's all for now, I guess

Begin

Zack is sleeping on the floor

There are pink roses on the coffee table, and a plate of cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles

Pongo is preening his wings, getting ready for a nap

I feel tired but restless, anxious but secure

I want to dance