*rawr*

I am so angry right now, I want to kick somebody. Seriously. I want to kick somebody and then I want to burn down the world.

We went to a softball game at the park. Zack didn't want to go, but I was all excited about it. I thought we could hang out and make friends. I convinced him to go. He ended up having a really good time. Me... not so much. The game was really competetive, with a lot of guys being all macho and stuff. I am no good at sports, really. I like playing and having fun if it's a not-at-all serious game with my friends. But I didn't really know anyone there, and I knew that if i did anything stupid I would be really embarassed, so I just decided to watch. It was really, really hot and the game went on for hours. Zack was doing pretty well and having a good time. I was sitting in the shade feeling hungry, but kind of enjoying watching everyone else play. I thought maybe next time, if it wasn't so hot, I would join in.

After a while i got kind of bored, and so i went and picked one of the tiny daisies growing in the grass. It was so small and yet so perfect. Each tiny petal was an almost glowing white, and on the underside had a little spot of dark pink. The spots were so beautiful, but probably never even seen. I had never really looked at one up close before, and I was thinking about how those little flowers never really get noticed, just mowed down whenever the maintenance people come. And yet nobody on earth could make anything like it, no matter how sophisticated the technology, no matter how delicate the material.

Anyway so I was thinking about all of that, and no longer paying attention to the game. I heard some yelling going on but didn't focus any thought on it. Then all of a sudden the ball lands about 3 feet behind me. This guy comes running to get it and he yells at me. He's like, "Hey! You almost got hit! You need to pay attention!" He didn't add "idiot!" but his tone clearly implied it, all irritated and scornful. I didn't say anything, but I felt this flash of complete embarassment and humiliation, because everybody was looking at me and here I was crouched on the ground in lala land, looking at a tiny flower, and I probably did look like a total retard.

But he still didn't have to yell at me. He was really rude about it. I would never have spoken to anybody that way, especially someone I don't even know. The most I would have said, probably, is "Oh my gosh, that was close!" and like, laughed it off. I wouldn't have gotten angry at the person, or tried to make them feel stupid.

He was one of the super competetive people who were the exact reason I didn't want to play.

I wanted to go home after that but at the same time I wanted to stay, because that guy was a jerk and because Zack was having a good time.

I know I am being way too sensitive about this but I can't help it, it's just how I am. I am very self conscious and I guess my feelings get hurt easily. But at the same time, I think I'm a pretty kind person, and I try to always be nice to everybody. Probably that's partly why I get so mad when people are rude or mean to me.

Anyway, he's the one who's the idiot, not me, and I need to let it go. I know Zack thinks I'm mad at him because I've been so quiet, but I just have been in a bad mood and didn't want to talk.