Insomnia, Novels, etc.

So. The idea when I started this blog was to become one of those super-dedicated blogging types who do a post Every Day. The kind of people who are disciplined. They wake up extra early, make a cup of coffee, and sit down at the computer to write. I have always wanted to be one of those people, and be able to say casually in conversation, "I just can't sleep in, you know? If I didn't get up at 5:00, I'd just never get it all done!"

I really, really want to be like that, but mostly I just want to be a steady blogger. I want to be able to look back after a year and have a bunch of memories preserved. I just thought that would be cool, especially since this is my First Year of Marriage, and everything is all special and new, and I have this feeling inside like I'm not appreciating it enough. Like I'll look back in about 50 years and go, "What was it like? Why didn't I savor it more? Why was I such an idiot?"

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I don't know why. I think I worry too much about stuff like money, and no health insurance, and how much time I waste doing stupid things, or nothing. Anyway it's been getting worse, the lack of sleep, over the past couple of weeks. Wednesday I just couldn't even get up for early morning service. There was no way. I had gone to bed very late, then woken up around 2 am, fallen asleep again around 5. When the alarm went off at 5:45 I felt like I was stuck under a cement truck. I just couldn't move.

So I took the day off. And then I took Thursday off, too, because whenever I thought of going places or talking to people, I wanted to cry. Being tird does that to me. So I told myself I would take naps (something very hard for me lately), and get a little caught up on sleep, but what I mostly got caught up on was laundry, window washing, etc. Also, I started reading through one of my old novels that I never finished. I want to do National Novel Writing Month this year. I really, really want to. I will never forget the winter of 2005, stuck at home with mono, all bored and tired and lonely. Every morning in November I woke up and started a new chapter of my book, The Thirteenth Moon. It was an amazing thing, to start a book and actually write it all the way through. I really, really loved it, and I want to do it again. It'll be different this year, though. I'll be getting up and going in service, coming home, getting some laundry going, etc. and then sitting down to write. I'm not sure if I can pull it off, but the challenge is part of the attraction.

And then, of course, I'll need some characters and a plot. But I can worry about that later.

Bye for now.